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Our Lady of the Sphere (1968) - Larry Jordan

Making Instagram such a central part of my practice was taking its toll on my head. I knew I was basing much of my self-esteem on positive reactions and keeping myself relevant to a growing audience that weren’t even the audience I was trying to speak to. I was mainlining dopamine through my phone and it was turning me into a twat. I couldn’t post freely anymore, couldn’t share mistakes or messy momemts or failed experiments, for fear of backlash and shattering the illusion I was trying to build. Everything had to be glossy and perfect and ready-to-ship. That’s what I’m grappling with, above.

(...)

The second iteration of Blobshop launched in October 2022 with minimal fanfare and little response. Years of slow posting and a severely reduced level of engagement with Instagram meant I was greeted with a punishingly low-priority place in the new algorithm-driven feeds. I could not - would not - put in the level of effort required to claw my way back to the top. I cringed at the thought of making a reel or using a trending audio. It felt humiliating and my heart wasn’t in it. I didn’t need to make them to survive anymore, having succumbed to full-time work in web development, so there was no need to force myself to play the game. I wasn’t willing to manipulate algorithms for attention I no longer craved. I really only wanted to prove to myself that I could do it and make it feel like mine again, rather than an idea that had been co-opted or diffused into something else.

But know that this is effectively purity testing. “I’m not going to listen to your words until you’ve solved the problem you are talking about”. It is a way to refuse to engage with the story. It is lazy.

Now, I know places that have finally managed to rid themselves of proprietary platforms, but it did take them a few years. But I’m happy that in the meantime I already listened to what they had to say, and attended their events.